Dreaming of Depth

I've spent the better part of the last decade asking myself what I would do if I could do anything - basically, "what excites me"? That's a hard question for me. I'm a man of few passions. I was raised to believe that obedience is the most important thing you can accomplish... THAT, and of course, keeping a romantic relationship is the pinnacle of existence. These were challenging objectives in my early life. But by the time I was 34, I was doing pretty well. So now what? Of course, that was about the time I lost my career and my marriage came crashing down. It was time for a new objective in life. I mean, obedience and relationship were still the most important. I couldn't let up on those. But I had been told that God had an assignment for me in this life and images of that assignment would flick through my mind during my life. That hadn't really been happening. But it gave me hope that I could find a personal purpose. On more that one occasion I decided ...

That "welcome home" is for me. Not you. You're welcome to feel welcome. But the new home is mine - I'm finally moving into it - and you're not welcome there. Get your own. I feel like I've lived my whole life in someone else's home. There was my parent's home, then rentals that were owned by landlords. Even when my wife and I bought a house, it was still the bank that held the deed. But even more significant than the literal ownership of the building I lived in was the energetic ownership. And the energetic ownership of the buildings I lived in was mirrored by the ownership of the life I lived in - and sadly, it wasn't mine. I grew up believing that I should not belong to myself. Other people were always more important. My own desires were to be ignored. Finding a romantic relationship was the pinnacle of existence. If I couldn't find someone to want me for forever, my existence was not justified. It was a desperate situation. So all of my goal...