Dreaming of Depth

  Two Orugitas has played a remarkable role in my life in the last two years. It gave comfort when I was a caterpillar and had to say goodbye to someone I loved. But that parting was only temporary, as the song implies. The song stuck around as another loved one was slipping away, only to show up again when I had to lose that first person yet again. Saying goodbye, she urged me to "fly till you find your way toward tomorrow". I don't know if I'm a butterfly yet. I have definitely seen myself transform. But I expect there will be more to come. One of my orientations in life is toward progress. So I will definitely continue in my becoming as long as I live. But this song is about the transformation from a clinging caterpillar to a liberated and dancing butterfly, forever meant "to fly apart, to reunite". I think part of me still holds on a little too tightly. But that will probably only change with experience. This week, I had one such experience. I was at th...

  I have a fear of sharing this blog. I really appreciate what it provides me - a place where I can get my thoughts out. It's nice to discover something about myself and then put it on a page. I think it has an effect of sinking my ideas a little more into my soul. It also helps me feel like the discovery is protected; it won't evaporate and be forgotten. It is also nice to put it out for someone else to see. Maybe I'll be seen and understood. Maybe someone will benefit from it and I will have contributed to society. That's part of the reason we're social creatures. You can learn something that I have learned without having to go through every step in the process for yourself. The thing that makes me fear sharing the blog is the static aspect of it. I guess that's true of all art. Whether it's a painting, a musical, a building or a blog post, you create it from your heart and people think that's you. But it's really only a snippet of you. It's on...

  During an energetic healing session with a friend a lifetime ago, I had sudden insight on how I was interacting with the world. I'd been raised to put relationships at the heart of my existence. In fact, I'd been taught that relationships were what would get me into heaven. As I talked through this healing session, I visualized my efforts toward creating a heaven-bound relationship as a skyscraper. I'd been building it with my partner at it's center. I'd been working so hard to make it just right to last forever, all the way to heaven. Obviously, when such a structure starts to crumble, it's soul crushing. This is my whole life's work. It's my reason for being. It's my masterpiece for eternity. And now it's coming down. All that work is wasted. I realized that this was not a healthy way to be living my life. I should be at the center of my building, not my partner. I wanted to stop my codependency, my desperate need for other people. It was ti...