The mariposa life

 



Two Orugitas has played a remarkable role in my life in the last two years. It gave comfort when I was a caterpillar and had to say goodbye to someone I loved. But that parting was only temporary, as the song implies. The song stuck around as another loved one was slipping away, only to show up again when I had to lose that first person yet again. Saying goodbye, she urged me to "fly till you find your way toward tomorrow". I don't know if I'm a butterfly yet. I have definitely seen myself transform. But I expect there will be more to come.

One of my orientations in life is toward progress. So I will definitely continue in my becoming as long as I live. But this song is about the transformation from a clinging caterpillar to a liberated and dancing butterfly, forever meant "to fly apart, to reunite". I think part of me still holds on a little too tightly. But that will probably only change with experience. This week, I had one such experience.

I was at the Alta retreat and met some amazing people. We engaged in a Law of Attraction workshop where we discussed the process of asking, letting go, and opening up to receiving. I've heard this before, and also discovered it on my own in a certain way. But this time around, the opening up aspect took on a deeper meaning. I realized that I shouldn't be watching for one opportunity the universe is preparing in response to my request. Instead, every moment is filled with opportunities I need to discover and embrace. Life is a conveyor of wish granting, moment to moment. And if I hold too tightly to the gifts of one moment, I'll miss the gifts of the next.

There was a woman in my workshop group that seemed to embody this practice. She was a butterfly that floats from one blooming opportunity to another. She bravely opens herself up to each one, embracing it as fully as she can while it is before her. And when it is time to move on, she dances on the cosmic wind of the universe to the next flower. Maybe she will fly apart and reunite. But when it is the universe offering opportunities, the butterfly doesn't decide which flowers are blooming. It either chooses them or it misses them.

For me, I'm still having a hard time saying goodbye to opportunities. I'd like to think I've emerged from my cocoon. I'm just still pumping fluid into my wings. My departures are a little hesitant, and I still look back and long for what I left behind, uncertain there will be a next flower, not knowing the next opportunity will be even greater than the last. But that's just my memory of being a caterpillar lingering. I'm a butterfly now. Sooner or later, I'll take off with joy and laughter instead of trepidation.

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